It's often left out of conversations around sex and pleasure, but the prostate is the unsung hero of full-body orgasms. Many people say they feel intimidated by prostate play as a result of their social conditioning, limited sex education or simply an ingrained belief that the bum has only one function (and I’m not referring to anal breathing - but more on this later). If you’re curious, or perhaps you want to level up your orgasm, here’s seven questions I’m commonly asked by people who want to introduce prostate pleasure in their sexual experiences.

What is the prostate?

The prostate is a walnut-sized gland located inside the groin, close to the base of the penis. Its function is to secrete prostate fluid, one component of semen. It can also be a source of intense pleasure, when you find the right spot and stimulate it in the right way. It’s a small, sensitive gland that’s packed with pleasure-seeking nerve endings, kinda like the G-spot - and for this reason it’s often called the P-spot.


How do I find it?

Now that you know what the prostate is, the challenge becomes how to find it. The most direct and pleasurable way to stimulate the prostate is through the anus. With lube, gently insert your finger curving towards the front of your body. About two inches in, you’ll find the prostate, which will feel smooth, round and feels like a plum. By using a ‘come here’ motion with your fingers you can explore your most pleasurable areas, plus the prostate swells during arousal so it will become easier to find. You may also want to incorporate a prostate toy in this exploration, and I always recommend choosing something that has a flared base and a slight curve that you can adjust to your body.

Why does it feel good?

Sex is about so much more than just the penis. Common misconceptions tell us that male sexuality is simple, but this leaves a lot of men with a linear understanding of sex. Prostate stimulation can allow you to learn more about your pleasure potential as it invites exploration, curiosity and new sensations to heighten your climax. Many men report a full-body, undulating, intense experience of pleasure, that isn’t restricted to their penis. The prostate may also support you in having multiple, blended orgasms... say no more!

What are the most pleasurable ways to stimulate the prostate?

Just like everyone has different tastes in clothes, everyone has different tastes in pleasure. There isn’t just one technique when it comes to the prostate, there are many! So, it’s important to explore what works for you; different types of touch, rhythms, sensations, pressure or positions.

What does my interest in prostate play say about my sexuality?

Absolutely nothing. The stimulation you enjoy does not determine your sexual orientation and we must challenge the ideas that suggest otherwise. Prostate play is a direct access point for unlocking full body pleasure and mind-blowing orgasms, all men should feel comfortable to explore their body - regardless of their sexuality.

How do I deepen the pleasure?

Breathe. This one sounds so simple but when you hold your breath (as many people do during sex), the anus tightens up. Tensing the entire body, including squeezing the anus, is directly linked to stress.

With every exhale intend to relax or release your anal sphincter, with every inhale intended to gently contract your anus. Mindful or ‘anal’ breathing will not only calm your nervous system, but it will also invite sensation into your body, relax your anus and allow for deeper pleasure.

How do I introduce prostate pleasure with my partner?

Just like trying anything new, it’s important to have the conversation before you’re in the heat of the moment. It can feel awkward or clunky asking for something but intend to normalise the conversation. Something as simple as “Hey, I’m curious about prostate pleasure, how would you feel about trying it together?” They may want more information, like whether it’ll be their hands, your hands or perhaps a toy? They may be into it, and they may not. Just remember, if it’s not their thing, it can still be yours during solo sex.

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