We all know there is no such thing as 'good sex' and that what it really comes down to is how two (or however many!) people communicate and respond to each other's directions and verbal and non-verbal cues. So often, the key having better sex is to just... talk. And one of the most helpful conversations you can have with a partner is about if, and how you orgasm. Asking for what you want in sex can feel really daunting, and like there is so much potential to upset or offend a partner. So here's how to teach a partner how to make you orgasm, according to IRL women and people with vaginas who feel comfortable doing just that.
Remember, orgasm shouldn't be seen as the 'end goal' of sex. But, considering there's a huge orgasm gap (with women and vagina-having people orgasming much less than men and people with penises during sex), we know it's something we need to be talking about a LOT more.
Tell them what you like and don't be shy about it.
1. "Tell them what you like and don't be shy about it. You are teaching them what you like otherwise how else will the know." [via]
3. ""Well I can only orgasm certain ways, so I just tell him that plain and simple. To me it's not necessarily a sensitive subject. It's no knock on his 'manhood'. Just make sure you phrase it as 'This is a me thing and I just work this way'. Rather than 'You're doing it wrong'." [via]
I take his hands and show him what I like
4. "I take his hands and show him what I like use body language. I’ll casually mention what turns me on too." [via]
Communication is the ultimate key
5. "Communication is the ultimate key for something like this. Your partner will never figure it out if you’re just squirming trying to get their hand in the right spot. Don’t like something? Say, 'Hey, maybe we should try this instead, or say, 'Maybe let’s try it like this'. The beauty about sex is it never needs to be 'perfect' and it’s meant to make you both feel good. Side note: if your partner makes you feel bad or shames you for your sexual desires, they are probably not the best person for you to be having sex with." [via]
6. "It took me over a year to get there with my partner. Besides 'teaching' it is important to not get frustrated and to be patient. You will get there eventually, but trying to relax and just let whatever happen is just as important." [via]
7. "Tell them when you’re sexting, 'I want you to gently rub my X or Y', and stuff like that." [via]
Talk to them, show them
8. "Talk to them, show them, and make sure they know (without judgement) they might not get it right every time just like you might not get it right every time either. My current partner had never slept with anyone else before me and he was very nervous about being ‘bad’ at sex. Having the confidence to communicate what felt good and what didn’t took away that pressure of guesswork. He picked it up really quickly and in turn grew his confidence too." [via]
10. "Communication! It doesn't have to be awkward or formal. I start by asking them what they like, asking for feedback after making them orgasm (what did I do well, what did you love, what did you not love), and encouraging them to be open and honest. The idea is that they'll repay the consideration when they do or are trying to make you orgasm. And importantly, if they are in the wrong spot then whispering 'a little to the right' is easy to do and can be sexy."
"You can also show them how you make yourself orgasm, even just by explaining the movements you do (like left to right, circles, figure eights, etc), and how many fingers, and so on. Another option that I do when I need to, is take their fingers and reposition them how I want them to be moving. Any worries they had about not getting it right will quickly vanish as they witness how much you're loving what they're doing!" [via]