As far as sex goes, you have quite a selection of positions to try depending on what you and your partner are in the mood for. Want to be in charge? Cowgirl. Craving some deep penetration? Doggy-style. Working on those squats and want to show off that peach? Reverse cowgirl.

But what’s the sexiest and most intimate position of them all? The lotus. Here’s everything you need to know about le best position for “I’m sorry” sex, “I love you” sex, and “I just want to be really, really, really close to you” sex.

The basics

In this position, two people sit facing one another with their legs and arms wrapped around each other (I told you, intimate AF). It’s also known as the “yab-yum” position in tantra.

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Get into it

Instruct your partner to sit with their legs crossed on the bed (or wherever you’re having sex). While facing your partner, sit as close as you can to them and wrap your legs around their torso. Then, your partner should tuck their legs under you. After, wrap your arms around each other in a hug-like embrace and feel your chests melt together.

Pro tip? The person sitting first should be stronger and willing to support the other partner during intercourse.

“This is a tough position to get into, depending on your shape, size, differences in height, and capacity for body mobility,” says sex expert and psychologist Jenn Gunsaullus. “Use pillows or wedges under your butt or knees to lean back against—that can be helpful.”

Also, keep in mind that this position is more about grinding than it is thrusting. Use your hips and legs to move your body against, around, and on top of your partner—even if they’re not necessarily inside of you.

“It’s a wonderful position to just practice eye gazing, syncing your breath, or passionate kissing. It’s about slowing down and being present with each other and tapping into your personal and joint energies,” says Gunsaullus. In other words, think less about that orgasm and more about the passionate experience and energy you’re confronting with your partner.

How to adjust

If you find that the position is too intimate for you, place your hands behind you and lean into a non-restraining back bend. Encourage your partner to hold your hips as he controls the thrusts of your body. By doing this, you also open up your body to your partner for some extra clitoral stimulation* or a nice breast massage.

*Okay, remember when I mentioned extra clitoral stimulation? Yeah, I wasn’t kidding. Encourage your boo to use their finger to stimulate your clitoris as they’re inside of you (double yum), or try this bullet vibe to make it ~extra~ spicy.

“Yes to this position! With his legs crossed like that, I felt like I was in a little love nest. It’s great because you’re v close but also v supported—I didn’t feel like I was going to fall off. There was nowhere to go but climax!” —Haley, 24

My boyfriend has bad knees, so this position actually felt really nice for him.It’s deep, intimate, and also great for some chest play.” —Liz, 25

“It takes some planning on how to position both of your legs so that you can move and gain traction. You definitely have to be the kind of person who loves looking into your partner’s face too. I’m just very shy, so eye contact is too much.” —Jamie, 31

“The angle feels really nice, and I like it because it’s face-to-face and super close. You feel more connected to your partner than you would in a position like doggy. —Valerie, 24

It’s cute because you’re all huggy and close to each other, but moving around is kind of tough and requires more core strength than my Pilates-skipping self has. It may have been tougher for us since my boyfriend is leggy—like, the dude is 6’4”. —Julia, 27

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