The key to writing a good sex toy review is to write a helpful review. It doesn’t matter whether you thought the product was good or bad, what matters most is being able to express what someone else might find if they buy the same product. The whole point is to prevent people from buying unsuitable toys and to point them in the direction of toys that will be great for them. To that end, here are a few do's and don’ts.
Do use proper punctuation and check your spelling before you submit. This isn’t schoolwork, but it is important that the people reading your review understand your points - that is much easier to do if they can parse your sentences correctly.
Do focus on all the possible uses for the toy. When you write your review, consider all the ways that the toy could be used. If you bought a small clit vibrator, but you realise that it is just the right size and shape to be used anally, mention it. Is the butt plug you just bought ideal for someone else to use on you? Mention that it is partner-friendly. It doesn’t matter if you choose to never use it for anything other than one single purpose - if you see another way it can be used (within reason, of course), let people know.
Do explain the hows and whys of your enjoyment or lack thereof. It doesn’t help to say, “I hated this toy, it was crap” if you don’t follow up with why it didn’t work. Saying, “I did not enjoy these anal beads in the slightest because the knots were too close together and the string was hard to clean “ is a much better way to get across the information.
Do have a good time with it. If you enjoy the toy and enjoy writing the review, you will be sure to write something that other people find useful. And you just might start writing reviews that are so good you start getting free toys as a thank you - and that is good news for everyone involved.
Don’t type in all capital letters. WRITING IN ALL CAPS IS LIKE SHOUTING AT YOUR READER. No one likes being shouted at, so make sure your Caps Lock is switched off.
Don’t focus only on whether or not you liked the toy. Consider a basic clit vibe - I may hate a certain toy because I like full-on sensation and this toy offers only low powered vibrations. I will certainly mention in my review that it didn’t work for me, but I will also mention that it would be ideal for someone who likes lighter vibrations. One man’s meat is another man’s poison, and one woman’s ineffective vibrator is another woman’s super-orgasmic wonder toy. Try to imagine who would love your toy, even if you didn’t. Conversely, let people know if a toy wouldn’t be right for them. If you find that a new butt plug is super-small, make sure you mention that hardcore users may want something a bit girthier, for example.
Don’t try to write porn. Sex toys are erotic by nature - just talking about their purposes will be enough to get people interested. But if you try to fill up your review with “I was wet all day just thinking about getting home and …” this or “I was hard as a rock as I…” that, then you’re getting away from the product and you may be putting off people who are new to toys and erotica. If you loved the toy that will come across when you talk about its good points - no need to break out the heavy duty porn talk.